Little Lunch Box Horrors…
The unwary hand gropes in the depths of the school bag - what horrors lie below the books, the crumpled bits of paper, permission notes they forgot to give you, missives from their teacher asking you to come and `have a chat about your child’, a pair of wet muddy socks, a homework project they `forgot to tell you about’, swap cards, leaking ballpoint pens, art work they were supposed to give you to tape on the fridge, muddy gym shoes…
Beneath this vile repository of your child’s school life lies the greatest horror of all, the grinning corpse of your carefully balanced nutritious lunch - not even the one you packed that morning. The one you packed on Monday.
Yes, the one with the chicken sandwiches, the pot of strawberry yoghurt and the banana. By now the chicken sandwich has grown fur and is trying to eat its way out of the lunch box. The yoghurt has obliged it by swelling up and popping the lid. The banana escaped the horror in the lunch box but died a grisly death on the bottom of the school bag, it’s blacked corpse clinging with its last dying gaseous breath to your child’s math homework.
“How did this happen?” You demand.
“I forgot.”
Forgetting to eat your lunch is one thing, forgetting it for a week the act of the devil’s spawn, watching with intense interest as you scrape the stinking remains of the banana off the homework.
I can see it now, my child’s face turning to the teacher with a Machiavellian smile - “a week old banana ate my homework, Miss.”
Some sainted mothers would scrape out the lunchbox too, and soak it in hot water and bleach until it was fit to use again. Not this one. The whole thing gets tossed in the bin and I dive under the sink for a new lunchbox.
Oh, yes, I have quite a stack of them standing by, these brightly coloured coffins for deceased lunches. You never know what you’ll find when you plunge your hand into your child’s school bag.
Heather Blakey
Lori
soulsister
imogen88
gailkav
Anita Marie
traveller2006
porchsitter
cronelogical
gwenguin1
peacebird
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shewolfy728
kvwordsmith
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thalia
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Alexis
This made me smile; I’ve watched my sisters-in-law pull out some truly frightening things when they screwed up the courage to look inside their kids’ school bags.
Wicked Gail. It bought back a flush of memories.
” A week old banana ate my homework ”
Gosh I wished I’d have thought of that one when I was a kid, I’ll bet I’d have been excused from Homework for life if I had;-)!!!
ROFL! Rotting black corpses of dead bananas…. You and Anita Marie need to collaborate. What fun that would be!
No exaggeration here at all. Explanation of why we had to make the Grade Nines clear out their lockers regularly and why the white apron Susie needed for Home Ec wasn’t…..after being stored under the old lunches and her boots. Fran
I love this! It’s so true. I’d like to meet one kid who has always eaten their lunch and has never had something moldy in a bag before. I once had a banana that looked like it blew up or something…i know you guys will look at me in disgust now but hey…i forgot
brilliant, I squirmed with horrified delight reading this.